Where did I go wrong? Or did I? Reflecting on this new year has really had me thinking. Why did I strive for that perfect side by side? That transformation? Wishing for a number on a scale to tell me I was enough? I posted my before and afters saying “I will never go back.” “It’s gone forever.” Never working on the inside. Focusing only on the outside. To be perfect. Fit into those size 2 jeans. To be thin. For others to think so too. Skinny. I finally made it. Goodness was I missing the point. The point? That I was always perfect? Yes! Imperfectly perfect. In His eyes. I just couldn’t see it. Why? What was missing? Me! I was missing. Deep inside. Holding on to everything that made me feel unworthy. Self. I never got out of my own way.
My baby girl Cali was my biggest fan. I feel like I could have done so much better. To teach her more about loving herself. Inside and out. And to stay true to herself. Instead. I. Obsessed. Over the scales. My weight. How I looked in clothes. To be smaller. To be the thinnest. My girl. Needed me to be strong. To show her how to truly love herself and her body. To show her that she was fearfully and wonderfully made. Did I do that? Maybe a little. I could have done more. Calista and I have been on this journey together. We we’re at our heaviest together. At our thinnest together and now striving to be our healthiest together. It’s not too late. It’s never too late. I’m so unbelievably proud of my girl. She is living it daily. To be strong and healthy. And not to be skinny. Little by little. Embracing “Cali”She is my inspiration. I have loved watching her grow into one amazing woman. Through all the trials. She stays strong. Not perfect. Imperfectly perfect. That’s all HIM!
My amazing hubby, Dave. Living this journey with me. He has loved me through it all. The good. The bad. And the crazy. He loves unconditionally. He encourages. And lifts me up. He pushes me. Gah I love him. Everyday. Living. Learning. Growing. Together.
When you think about the things you could’ve done differently? Can do differently? What would you do? What will you do?
Remember they are watching. Every move made. Words said. That reflection in the mirror. Staring at ever flaw. Imperfection. Picking apart every line. Dimple. Scar. We have an opportunity to share. How being a certain size is not what’s important. Obsessing over dieting is not what’s important. Trying to perfect every flaw is not what’s important. It’s living this beautiful life. That our beauty is deep. He created each of us. For a purpose. And for such a time is this. With ambulance of His amazing strength, grace and love. Are you ready to be an example of living? Not dieting? Not being perfect? Let’s DO IT.
I can’t go back and change anything. I can choose today to live differently. To live fully. Finding joy in the journey. In the circumstance. To learn and grow from this point on. Share with you -and others my story. My struggles. My ups and downs. No matter what that “box” says. Your thoughts. That small negative voice. STOP. You ARE ENOUGH. I AM ENOUGH. And that the best is yet to come. I promise. One day at a time.
Always remember.
You are AMAZING.
You are BEAUTIFUL.
You are LOVED.
You are ENOUGH.
You are flippin PHENOMENAL.
Cali, this is for you. I love your face. It’s perfect.
Are you ready? To do hard things?
Let’s do this!
xoxo,
jaime
