Not making it.

If there is one thing that I have dealt with all my life is this. Not making it. Not being apart of. Feeling left out. Wondering why? Was I really not good enough? Did I do something wrong? Say the wrong thing? Not do right by someone? Not look the part? Was I too overweight? Too loud? The questions are endless. Why am I my own worst critic? Do you do this? Feel this way?

Since middle school I have struggled with my self esteem and weight. Seriously struggled. My earliest memory of any diet I was on. Slimfast. Yep. You heard me right. I just wanted to look like all the other girls. To make the team so I could finally feel apart of. It didn’t happen. I think I tried out for every single stinkin thing my nineth grade year. Not making one team or club that year. I know. It made me stronger. I think. It seriously crushed me. Countless hours working hard practicing with my dad and my mom beside me cheering me on. Him constantley pushing me. Both of them always encouraging me and telling me I was good enough. As long as I worked hard and did my best that’s what they were proud of. So it wasn’t lack of effort or practice. What was it?

Then adult life. Ha! It’s been a whirlwind of emotions too. Not making it. Why do I allow these little things that I know are not apart of my story affect me so much. Because I am Me. The girl who always wanted to make it. To just be a cool kid. ;) I know silly. Silly unbelievable truth. The beautiful thing with all the times I have tried, applied for, tried out for, or just wanted to be apart of that didn’t happen for a reason. I. We. have to stop wanting to be someone else. Comparing ourselves. Feeling inadequate. We will never be skinny enough. Fit enough. Pretty enough. Good enough. Smart enough. Have it all together enough. You know what? Who cares! Well we do. Social media has made it impossible for you and I just to feel enough. This perfect little snippet of someones’ life. It’s not all butterflies and rainbows. We all have bad days. Don’t take enough time for our spouses. Our kids misbehave. We Yell. Have a messy house. Dinner not cooked. No shower. Said mean things. Forgot something important. Not been a good friend. Didn’t post enough on insta. I could go on and on.

It’s OK. It’s ok not to make it. Cool thing is YOU and I already have. Made it. Our story is already written. Perfectly. All though things that happen hurt. We cant’ allow it to destroy us. Each of us have one gorgeous life ahead. Paved out. It’s going to have pot holes, dips, hills, slick spots. But what we have been through has made us better. When life gives you a lemon…you know what you do! Make AMAZING Lemonaide. Or if you realize you need more protein to meet your daily goal you eat a pouch of tuna. Knowing that it will get you your points for your team. The one you made. They picked you. YASSSSSSS!!!!