Being a mom.

Being a mom. Ok so this one is tough. Hardest job ever. Let’s get real. I always wanted to be a mom. I dreamed of having 3 kids. The perfect little house with three littles running around. That whole white picket fence '‘thing”. I knew that being a mom would change me. I however did not realize that with becoming a mom had lots of difficulties that came along with it. Being a mom. Well its not easy.

I can remember the day so vividly. Trying to get pregnant. I wanted to be a mom so bad. I knew that having a tiny human would complete me. Never did I realize that becoming a mom would be a rollercoaster of emotions and feelings. I found out I was pregnant soon into my marriage. I remember it vividly. My sis-in-law Tara had found out she was pregnant too with her second. It was such an exciting time. We would get to experience this beautiful season together. Pure joy. Soon that joy became sadness. Pain I have never felt. I miscarried 10 weeks into my pregnancy. It literally crushed me to the core. I lost my baby. The one I dreamed of. My life would forever change. It scared me. What if I was unable to get pregnant again? Did I do something wrong? Why was this happening to me? To deal with the loss I turned to food. Again. It was always my go to. My escape. The constant battle that I had struggled with became real again. For the millionth time. Ugh. I felt hopeless.

Why? Why did the pain hurt so bad? Why did I lose faith? Why did I lose my trust? Why? Because! I was human.

A year later I found out the best news ever. I was pregnant. Looking back I realize God’s plan was perfect. I got to enjoy seeing the birth of my precious niece Tanslee and embrace knowing one day she would giggle with her cousin Calista Jean. Such a beautiful thing. Knowing that it’s not your will but HIS. That moment she was born I knew that this mommy thing. Well it was my thing. Then. Chaz, 18 months later (yep…) and then my last blessing. My babe Parker. Me? Three babies? I got my dream. Has it been easy? Heck no. Every stinkin day is filled with smiles. pain. tears. frustration. hugs. just. pure. craziness. God knew what He was doing. But I sure didn’t.

That’s the beauty of being a mom. It’s never the perfect time. You will never have enough money. A big enough house. Be patient enough. Strong enough. Have it all figured out. Know exactly what to do. They will never act “right’. Each of your kiddos will all be different although raised. just. the. same. They will drive you nuts. Hurt your feelings. Give you fits. Make you want to pull out your hair. Give you the best hugs. Surprise you with a polar pop. Bring you a dozen roses. Make a handmade card with “tina”. Text you when you need it most. Laugh until you pee your pants. Make you cry ugly crocodile tears. And just be your baby. Let you hold them. Comfort them. Love them.

I can honestly say that today. This Mother’s Day. Although it did not go as planned. Today ended up being one of my fav days. I love that after years of wanting the “perfect life”. I’m ok with being ok. I’m realizing too that I’ve done mostly everything wrong. So what! I did it. I’m doing it. I will one day write down everything that I did wrong. I’m proud of my mistakes. They made me the mom I am today. Yes. You heard that right! I’m ok with doing it wrong. Because I know that I’m doing it right too! Yes!! Realizing that He has it all laid out. My story. Our story. My life. Our life. My dreams. Our dreams. My family. Our family. Today I celebrate being a mom. Celebrating all the moms and moms to be.

Listen. If you are a mom. If you want to be a mom one day. You got this. It may seem your life is not what you imagined. It won’t be. Remember that all the ups and downs are all part of your story. The good. bad. ugly. Know that you can and will survive. Don’t compare. We all have our stories. All different. All unique. Love this season. It’s so fun. It’s so crazy. It’s so worth it. You won’t get it right the first time. You will mess up. You are not alone. We have all been there. Being a mom. Well it’s just plain awesome.

Happy Mother’s Days 2019.

xoxo,

Jaime